How to Tell Your Partner You Think They Might Have ADHD—With Compassion and Care

Wondering how to talk to your partner about ADHD? Learn how to approach the conversation with empathy, clarity, and support from a neurodivergent-informed counselling perspective.

Talking to your partner about the possibility that they might have ADHD can feel daunting. You may have noticed patterns—difficulty with focus, time management, emotional regulation, or follow-through—that impact your relationship. You care deeply, and you want to help, not hurt.

At our neurodivergent counselling clinic, we often support couples navigating this exact conversation. Here’s how to approach it with empathy, respect, and a focus on connection—not correction.

1. Start with Curiosity, Not a Diagnosis

Unless you're a licensed clinician, it’s important not to label or diagnose your partner. Instead, frame your observations as curiosity and care.

Try saying:

“I’ve been learning more about ADHD lately, and some of what I’ve read reminds me of things we’ve experienced together. Would you be open to talking about it?”

Focus on shared understanding, not assigning blame or labels.

2. Lead with Empathy, Not Frustration

If ADHD traits have caused tension—missed appointments, forgotten tasks, emotional outbursts—it’s natural to feel frustrated. But leading with criticism can trigger defensiveness or shame.

Instead, try:

“I know things have felt hard lately, and I want us to feel more connected and supported. I wonder if there’s something deeper going on that we could explore together.”

Compassion opens the door to growth.

3. Share Resources, Not Just Opinions

Offer articles, videos, or podcasts from ADHD experts or lived-experience voices. This helps your partner explore the topic at their own pace and reduces the pressure of a one-time conversation.

Helpful resources might include:

• Books

• Podcasts

• Instagram accounts or YouTube channels by ADHD coaches or therapists

Let them know you’re learning too—and that you’re in this together.

4. Focus on Strengths and Support

ADHD isn’t just about challenges—it also comes with creativity, hyperfocus, empathy, and resilience. Acknowledge your partner’s strengths and emphasize that support is available.

You might say:

“If this is something you relate to, I want you to know you’re not broken—and you’re not alone. There are tools and support that could make life feel easier.”

Reframe the conversation around empowerment, not pathology.

5. Be Prepared for Mixed Reactions

Your partner might feel relieved, curious, overwhelmed—or even resistant. That’s okay. This is a process, not a one-time talk.

Give them space to reflect, and let them know you’re available to keep the conversation going when they’re ready.

6. Consider Couples or Individual Counselling

Sometimes, having a neutral space to explore these conversations can be incredibly helpful. A neurodivergent-informed therapist can support both of you in navigating communication, emotional regulation, and next steps—whether or not a formal diagnosis is pursued.

Final Thoughts

Bringing up ADHD with your partner is an act of care. When approached with empathy and openness, it can lead to deeper understanding, stronger connection, and meaningful support.

If you or your partner are exploring ADHD and want guidance, our clinic offers neurodivergent-informed counselling for individuals and couples. We’re here to help you navigate this journey with compassion and clarity.

📞 Reach out today to book a session or learn more about our ADHD support services.